a lesson learn hard

I had a fall on Good Friday. It was a bad fall. As a result of this, I had three standard steel plating and fifteen screws as part of the body weight that I should carry in the coming two years.
The recovery was pains taking. The physical and emotional traumas were unbearable at the beginning. As the pains slowing fading, my emotional was very much difficult to play with.
As i prayed to God, I ask why He let this things happen to me, for He knows that I can bear such pain, I cried a lot before i knocked off. I ask Him what can I learn from this?
Now, 14 weeks after the incident, I learnt the lessons. The slow down lesson.
As I reflect back for the past 40+ years, I hardy walk, I run. I am always on the move. I will do washing, cooking, cleaning, watering, planting at the same time.
I will put the frying on the stove to heat up, while the heating process, i put laundry in the washing machine, and soak those white school shirts that need a touch of hand. Back to the stove, i pour in the oil, i fill the watering can with water. the pan is hot, I put in the fish. Leaving the fish in the pan, I will take the watering can and water the plants. I will take a look at the plant if they need weeding. Then I rush back to the stove, just on time to turn the fish to another side. That will take another 3 minutes, I will do some cutting and preparation for next dish. Before I sent the dish to the dinning table, I will scrub the white shirt before I started the machine.

Now, I can only do one things at a time. I want to get all things above done at the same time as before, but my movement has been very slow now. If I do my cooking, I will just doing the cooking and nothing more. I am having hard time to adjust to this new pace. A brand new version of a slower of me in the making.

peace within me

As I aged, i notice there are some changes in me. I get tired easily, i need a different kind of spectacle, I feel uneasiness at joints; and changes of attitudes. I felt more at peace with myself and not to take too much of others opinions. I guess that's what you named wisdom. I gained wisdom in exchanged of grey hair. And I am not sad about it. I like it this way.

the lost

Somehow, the lost of my mum had not get over with me yet. She past a way suddenly more than three years ago. Ever since she past away, I know one of the way that I can comprehend this lost, is start to write something about her. Till now, i don't have the courage yet.

The lost make me felt like I am a lost child, I had lost a place to be pampered. And all this long, this pampered relation is a very prominent features in our relationship, and now this very same pampered also giving me the hell feeling too.
I feel like I am no longer a child anymore, and I grieving over and over again for this dying child.

The pains are sharp and it's hurting whenever I feel lost in my life. When I am in that situation, I will call out for her silently. Just to draw a little comfort to hear that word "mum" being uttered. I miss u dearly mum!

talking about expectation

what is expectation? expectation is putting OUR hope on ourself and others. we HOPE because we know that we would be able to achieve , and that very same HOPE we put in others. Is that fair? To us is fair because we can, but not to others. On a second thought, is arrogant that is down deep in us. Because we can, why not others? let us learn that people may not able to achieve OUR EXPECTATION, just simply they are not us. We are just vary in journey of life.

a writer's dream

being a writer is always my dream since I am at the secondary. The dream fate along the way as I enter the busy life as adult. This dream still playing very much in my mind but I just say no to it.
Now, I think is the time that I should recollect this dream and put it into life again.
So, I name this journey, a journey that I may look at the foot prints and reflects how it has be part of me.